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Ohio Worms - The Legend of Lenny Crumb: A Tall Tlale

from World Tour: Part 1 by assorted artists



Come listen to the tale of some-worm smaller than my thumb
A legend I'll regale about our hero, Lenny Crumb

Oh Lenny was a baker from way down in the loam
With just an oven and some dirt, he was happy in his home
'Til one day he breached the surface, and gazed up at the sky, oh
And thought "my oh my," it's time to move to Ohio

With a trusty cupcake on his back, Lenny rolled up his lack of sleeves
And fashioned him a plane out of nearby twigs and leaves
And though his flight designs were not even out of beta
He crash landed in a field outside of Wapakoneta

Lenny looked around and saw the greatest sight he'd ever seen
Bats a-swinging, birds a-swarming around the Wapak Blaseball team
He looked just in time to see something blocking out the sun
Quickly caught his first flyout and stopped a game-winning home run (…game-winning home run!)

With Wapak's new star hitter, they started building steam
Crumb just couldn't quit, a true credit to the team
With each home-run he hit, Lenny's fame would grow
Though he stayed humble, all his flans shout "Look at that worm go!" (Look at that snail go! What?)

One morning in the dugout, came an unexpected guest
"Hey Lenny, have some time? The name's Hidalgo Internet.
I'm starting a new league. I like your wriggle and your squirm."
And that's how Lenny Crumb became the first Ohio Worm! (…how Lenny Crumb became the first Ohio Worm. Back to you…)

For nine seasons of the ILB the Worms racked up the scores
But Crumb, deep down, he feared the founder wanted something more
After three champion titles Lenny couldn't take the tension
So those Ohio Worms began planning an ascension

Sure enough the time was coming: the twelfth season's final day
Internet revealed they had a fearsome debt to pay
With each passing win their patron's eldritch hunger grew
They said "Lenny, come and join the feast we'll start by eating you"

(today's forecast calls for dark omnipotent forces feeding off the spirit of Bla-OH GOD NO)

To avoid being Hidalgo's twisted sacrificial lamb
Lenny called a huddle, and they hatched their daring plan
They gathered up their peers and equals, the Georgias and the Mechs,
And left a warning and a blessing in a Forbidden sacred text

Any three time champs should know no fear if Blaseball should return
For they'd ascend, and so escape a fate fit for no-worm
And if things were worse than Lenny feared, and didn't go as planned
The Big Leagues would come back to Earth and flood the whole darn land

And that's exactly what they did. After they had met the Crabs,
They knew the League would not be safe in the Boss's cold dark hands
And though the gravity's different, they need time to readjust
That Coin don't know what's coming, 'cause the Worms do what they must

Yeah the Worms do what they must
Dirt to dirt, loam to loam, and dust to dust
(All writhe!)


from World Tour: Part 1, released April 5, 2021
written, performed and produced by VVL
bass, backup vocals, and radio voice by Queue D.G.


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the garages Seattle, Washington

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we are the garages, an anarcho-syndicalist blaseball band from the fictional location of seattle. we make songs about being gay, the apocalypse, and fighting the gods. ... more

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