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park it

from the garages 101 by the garages



Theodore Duende's the perfect captain
Solid fundamentals and a great friend
We need more sluggers like him and Allison Abbott
We need less people like Mike Townsend

We’ve got Luis Acevedo
The best vocaloid in the league
But I’ll get to that later

We’ve got Gwiff now and Gwiff never whiffs
I think he’s at least half owl; it’s unclear
But we’ve got Luis Acevedo
The only vocaloid who can also thwack
When they’re at bat they bellow

This next runs for Hotdogfingers
A victim of eldritch circumstance
If she lived to see our new pitcher
This next ground outs for Mike Townsend
We’re going to win in spite of you
If we don’t win that’s totally ok, cuz you know we’re gonna pa pa pa pa
Park it
Park it
Park it
Park it

Theodore Duende's got the formula
That’s why they call blaseball the sweet science
He just walks up to the plate and says “Soundgarden is pretty good,
But they’re far from the best band out of Seattle”
“Have you heard of this band Weep Wave?
I’ll make you a mixtape after this”
Then he hits a grand slam

This next runs for Hotdogfingers
A victim of eldritch circumstance
If she lived to see our new pitcher
This next ground outs for Mike Townsend
We’re going to win in spite of you
Out of the way, it’s Duendesday season
I know we’re anticapitalist
But Tiana Cash didn’t have to die
She was literally made of money
Though I’m sure it informed her politics so for her we will just pa pa pa pa
Park it
Park it
Park it

Hi is this thing on?
My name is Mike Townsend, and I’m the current pitcher for the Seattle Garages
The previous pitcher, Jaylen Hotdogfingers, was incinerated
She was the first one killed after the forbidden book was opened,
And I remember just sitting there with Tiana when it happened, and at first I couldn’t figure out exactly what had occurred but after I realized she was gone for good I was like
“huh! That’s Blaseball for ya you know?"
Like I forgot who said it but someone said Blaseball is a game of inches, and if she was standing just three inches to the right of the mound I’m sure she would’ve been fine.
Anyways shortly after that Duende said “I can’t believe you’re our pitcher now” and I said “what? I’m the new pitcher?” And he said “yeah I really can’t believe it” to which I said “oh jeez thanks how cool is this!”
But as you probably know, I’m not really as good as Hotdogfingers was, you know? I think the hotdogs let her throw the ball to more than one place without missing the strike zone, and she was even able to pitch it at different speeds! You know, I don’t have hotdogs for fingers, so I can’t do that.
Anyways, so Im the pitcher now regardless, and I didn’t realize how much pressure it would be you know?
Like every time I throw a walk off the fans are like “TOWNSEND!” And sometimes when someone hits a home run the fans will yell “TOWNSEND!!”, and sometimes when I pitch a bad game the fans will write a song called something like “Mike Townsend Is A Dissapointment” and it will become the new anthem of our team and it’ll play non stop on KGAR...
You know how it is with Blaseball fans!
Anyways I know I’m lucky to be the pitcher for such a great team, and I love my teammates but... I wish I was really good, you know? Like hotdogfingers good. Like, I could pitch a no no against the Hellmouth Sunbeams good. But, I’m not, you know? I’m not Jaylen Hotdogfingers, I’m not the best Blaseball pitcher in the league, I’m just kinda a goofball that the team likes to turn into a running gag. But we’ve won some games you know? And it’s not like we won those games WITHOUT me. And, you know, I’m not incinerated. At least, I’m not incinerated yet. I just want to be this big, bright, shiny star, and whenever I step out on the field I don’t want them to say “TOWNSEND!” Or “TOWNSEND!” I want them to say “TOWNSEND!” You know? Like “TOWNSEND!”. Ah... it’s so hard man. Anyways sorry to ramble, can I start over? OK. Hi my name is Mike Townsend, and I’m the pitcher for the Seattle Garages.


from the garages 101, released February 27, 2021
by ethan geller (

from the garages kill the gods


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the garages Seattle, Washington

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we are the garages, an anarcho-syndicalist blaseball band from the fictional location of seattle. we make songs about being gay, the apocalypse, and fighting the gods. ... more

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