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rogue ump

from the garages 101 by the garages



monday morning i arrive
three hours early to see the sky
before the moon obscures the sun
before the players think they've won

i take position four steps back from the home plate
i am the cross-section between this mortal plane
and its fate

for unknown reasons, Jaylen burned
in the first season, the Great Return
the book forbidden, open wide
the gods had spoken, Jaylen died

when the meeting of the council had adjourned
we thanked the gods
for we knew the commissioner
had done his job

then five seasons came and went
not a worry, no undead
the sky grows dark and we decide
who will live and who will die

but when Hotdogfingers appeared atop the mound,
cheating fate
i took a secret vow to ensure their debt is paid
and so, i wait

and now the players arrive at last
and i am grinning behind my mask
for i see darkness coming forth
and i know balance will be restored


from the garages 101, released February 27, 2021
by slothfella (

from ENCORE. or, an incomplete and contradictory history of jaylen hotdogfingers, her trials and tribulations


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the garages Seattle, Washington

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we are the garages, an anarcho-syndicalist blaseball band from the fictional location of seattle. we make songs about being gay, the apocalypse, and fighting the gods. ... more

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