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Baltimore Crabs - WE'RE FAST NOW (OR, AN OVERTURE FOR ASCENSION)

from BLATTLE OF THE BLANDS by assorted artists

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track by Jake Loranger (amaranthine.bandcamp.com), featuring Chase, DSJ, Emma Shannon (crabmoney), Evan Saft (@NamesEquipped), j.ustin_p, and Sigbur as Monologue.

lyrics

For the first three seasons of Internet League Blaseball,
the Crabs were a comically pathetic team.
I mean, really terrible.
And worst of all, we were only moderately fast.

In Season 4, thanks to star hitter Nagomi Mcdaniel,
we were playoffs contenders until the end of the regular season,
but it still wasn't enough. We were still too slow.

Then, in Season 5, everything changed.
For the first time in Crabs history, we played in the postseason.
We were knocked out in the first round, but that didn't matter.
Things were different this time.
This time, during the election,
the Crabs won 'Zombies, Run! Presents Horde Hallucinations,'
improving their Baserunning by 17%.

Today, the Baltimore Crabs
have the highest baserunning of any team,
at an average of 4 stars per player.
Had we attempted it in Season 4, or in Season 5,
we surely would not have defeated The Peanut.
But things have changed.

We're Fast Now.

credits

from BLATTLE OF THE BLANDS, released November 13, 2020

license

all rights reserved

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about

the garages Seattle, Washington

if you want an album for free, for any reason, email thegarages@fourth-strike.com

we are the garages, an anarcho-syndicalist blaseball band from the fictional location of seattle. we make songs about being gay, the apocalypse, and fighting the gods. ... more

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